Real Housewives of New York - Oh Please Be Quiet

So I sat down tonight to watch part two of the Real Housewives of New York Reunion.

**sigh**

I just have one question.  If you watched, were you as exhausted as I was by that whole discussion?  I'm sitting here trying to think of something positive to say about that entire banter, and all I can think is, "I have to watch another one of those episodes?"  These women are insane.

You know who they remind me of, besides high school girls?  They remind me of, well, Oklahoma housewives.

Oooooooo...them are fightin' words Mrs. McGillicutty.

OK, OK.  Don't attack me.  They're not like all housewives.  They're certainly not like any of the housewives that write for this web site.  And they're certainly not like any of the housewives that visit this site.

I guess I should be more specific.  They remind me of a certain breed of "housewife" that I see in my little old piece of Oklahoma. If you want to see these women you can find them most often spending half their days at the fancy gym and the other half at the beauty salon.  When they're not at the beauty salons, they are spending their time in boutiques or at the mall getting themselves presentable for their latest social gathering.  And really, they don't do much else.

They have maids taking care of their homes.  They have yard guys mowing their lawns.  They have designers working on the interior and exterior designs.  They might even have someone cooking for them, but often they just grill themselves a tiny little piece of chicken as to not destroy their latest plastic surgery with cellulite infiltration.

And then, when they get together with other ladies, ladies who do lunch or coffee, they sit around and complain.  Their husband is never home.  They're the only one's who take care of the kids when the nanny isn't available.  Someone has hurt their feelings.  They feel under appreciated.

You see these women are grumpy.  You look at them and wonder what they could possibly be grumpy about, but the fact of the matter is they're grumpy.  They're grumpy because they haven't enough in their lives to keep their minds busy.  They have too many people taking care of all of their stuff.  When they don't have enough to do during the day, they start to think that getting to the gym to get that perfect body, or getting that perfect outfit for that social occasions, or researching the latest plastic surgery is truly important.  Their minds yearn to be occupied.  And the screaming for intellectual stimulation in their heads gives these women a pinched up look on their faces that people often misinterpret it as hunger.

Oh they're hungry all right, but not just for food. They're hungry for something to get rid of the boredom, but instead they become bitter and look to everyone else to solve their problems, making them unbearable to be around.  And that makes them the particular breed of housewife I'm talking about, the ones that are exactly like the Real Housewives of New York.

The only difference between these Oklahoma women and the women on the show is one thing.  Their accents are much nicer to listen to than those whiny, harsh, nasal New York accents.  And for that, I will always be grateful.

Oh look!  I think I just found my something positive.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

Real Housewives of New York: In Betweener

The other day I had some free time to go shopping. Eager and excited I hopped in my car and headed to the mall. I hadn't been shopping in a really long, long time so I decided to hit some of the old stores that I'd been shopping in for years. Store after store after store I struggled to find clothes that suited me. Having no luck I decided to wander into some new stores to see what I could find. And again I had no luck. I shopped for 3 hours, and came home with nothing except for more clothes for the children that don't need any more clothes.

You see I'm in this horrible place. I fit into the clothes of the stores I shopped in during my younger years, however the phrase "mutton dressed up like lamb" always runs through my mind as I try on those young hip clothes. But then I wander into the stores that might suit shall we say a more mature clientele, and I find only things that remind of the AARP. When I look for clothes that are in between the young hip and the classy old lady I find not one store suited to me and my needs. I am an In Betweener. And I really don't enjoy shopping for the woman in this phase. It's a hard place to be.

But being a glass half full type I gal, I am grateful for one thing. Even though I am an In Betweener at least I am aware of the place I'm in, and seldom will you find me dressed completely innapropriately. However, when thinking about The Real Housewives of New York, I cannot say the same for them.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Bubies, Babies, and Diamonds

Lately The Real Housewives of New York has been far more interesting to watch than the The Real Housewives of New Jersey. However, with last week's show being just so sad to watch as Kelly had what seemed to be a nervous breakdown, I just don't feel comfortable spouting off my usual snarky comments about the show. So instead last night I sat down to watch the Jersey girls to see what great tips of advice they had to offer.

Teresa as usual was quite entertaining. She went into labor during last night's episode and gave birth to a sweet little girl after "one and a half pushes." This is of course after she fully made herself up with jewelry, makeup, a strapless maternity top all while in labor. It is also of course is after she watched her husband have a cup of coffee, she checked her e-mail, she called her friends, and she made waffles for her daughters, all while in labor. And of course it was after she packed for the hospital her make-up and jewelry, you know, the "the last minute things you need if you're going to the hospital." I did feel for her a little bit when she was getting her epidural and started crying with pain. But then her husband promised her a big diamond ring, and for me the pity ended.

You see I had to buy my own "you gave birth to my child present" for the 2nd baby. I did get a present for the first baby, but my husband readily admitted that after 26 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing that resulted in an eventual Cesarean his present was entirely inadequate. By baby number two, however, he had forgotten my first sacrifice, and I got a great big old goose egg. Out of frustration I went to the jewelry store on my own, and ordered a pretty little ring. The day it arrived I did make my husband go with me to pick it up and actually dish out the dough, but really the damage had already been done. He will forever be in the dog house for that one.

Though just between you and me I have to say this, I'd take my husband any day over Teresa's husband. Sure he buys Teresa diamonds and gives her a great big house to live in. But that's about all he does. And I tell you what, if he ever tried to sex me up the same day I had my "bubies" enlarged just for him, it would take much more than a big house and diamonds to fix that problem. You know what I'm saying?

Anyway, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate Teresa and welcome her new baby girl to the world. Good luck to you on the birth of your newest and latest Jersey girl. There's nothing better than a new baby, and I and the housewives of the RHOK wish you all the best.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

***Today is the last day to enter for our first giveaway at the RHOK.  

Enter here or here, and good luck!***

Real Housewives of New York - Kelly Killoren Bensimon

So my first name is Kelly.  While growing up I found that it was a pretty popular name, Kelly.  I had friends all throughout school named Kelly.  I had friends in every activity I participated in named Kelly.  I had a friend in my confirmation class at church named Kelly.  I had a boss in college named Kelli.  Some people I follow and who follow me on Twitter are Kelly's.  My husband's cousin's is named Kelly.  Heck, I even dated a guy who was formerly known as Kelly.

Kelly is a popular name.

And for the most part, I'm used to having such a popular name.  Most of the time, in fact, I like the Kelly's I meet.  I mean lets face it, most Kelly's are a pretty cool bunch of people.  Right?

Then The Real Housewives of New York introduce Kelly Killoren Bensimon.  Sure she looks pretty normal on the outside.  She's a single mom in New York.  She has a couple of kids.  She seems to be interested in her kids.  She writes for a magazine.  She models.  But then, well then we realize after a few episodes that she's an odd duck.

We get the first clue in the way she says "Hi."  It's not a regular "Hi."  She tends to go into this weird, slightly hoarse, falsetto voice and says "Hi-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Hi-eeeeeeee!  Hi-eeeeeee!"  Perhaps this is the first sign that she's not all there.

Then in every episode she says weird things like telling people she's super smart because she went to Columbia.  (I'd like to see the documentation on that one myself.)  And follows up with "I don't eat processed foods.  I actually like gummy bears."  OK then.

Later Kelly says while trying to fight with Bethenny, "You're making lemons out of lemonade."

Bethenny replies, "That actually means you're making something good out of something bad."

Kelly retorts, "Not necessarily." Ummm Kelly, yes.  That's exactly what it would have meant, if you had gotten the saying right.

But the worst happened when I watched a preview for next week's The Real Housewives of New York in which she says to Bethenny hysterically, "I think you are trying to kill me."  And she confesses to her friend Jill Zarin in another part, "I've had nightmares for the past week about Bethenny stabbing me."

Kelly says what? She thinks Bethenny's trying to kill her?

OK, wait a minute.

First we have weird voices.  Then we have nonsensical speech.  And finally we have paranoia.  I'm no shrink, but I think there's a diagnosis in there somewhere.  And it doesn't involve sanity.

Although at this point I should feel sorry for her, but man, she's named Kelly.  She's ruining the name! Last episode when Bravo did a survey that asked "who would you like most to be pushed overboard on the ladies' trip?" my vote was Kelly.  I'd be happy to help push her.  After all, I can't have her varnishing the cool Kelly name.

Unless of course she's willing to change her name.  Then we could talk about another choice.  Just ask that guy I dated who is formerly known as Kelly.  He was more than happy to change his name.  After all, I only had to explain it to him once.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

Real Housewives of New York - Holy Sh*tballs! Bethenny's Pregnant

On last weeks episode of The Real Housewives of New York Bethenny announced that she in fact was pregnant.  I believe her exact words were "Holy sh*tballs, I'm pregnant."  As a housewife who also sometimes has a problem with the edit of the mouth, Bethenny's words are a perfect example of why I love her.  Sure, sometimes her mouth gets her in trouble (the words "get a hobby" to Jill Zarin come to mind immediately), but how could you not love a woman who sits on the toilet in front of the Bravo cameras, takes a pee on her stick for all to see, and then exclaims, "Holy sh*tballs, I'm pregnant"?  I mean that's exactly what happened to me when Mr. McGillicutty knocked me up, minus the cameras of course, and minus the surprise as well.

That reminds me of a question I've always wanted to ask.  When a woman tells you that her pregnancy was a surprise, but after being asked what birth control she was on she says "none," don't you then wonder her intellectual capabilities?  I mean come on now.  Getting pregnant the old fashioned way isn't complicated.  Didn't we all learn how it worked back in fifth grade P.E. class?

Anyway, tonight on the show I expected to see everyone's reaction to the news of the creation of a new little Bethenny.  Instead what we saw was more drama between her and Jill, more drama between her and Luann, and a great, big, new rock on little Ms. Bethenny's finger.

Wow.  She and I really are alike.

OK no, not really.  I already had the rock when I got pregnant.  And it was little because I got it when my husband was putting himself through graduate school.  But maybe if I had waited, let Mr. McGillicutty knock me up pre-marital bliss, and then acted surprised to be pregnant, he would have felt sorry for me for missing that informative fifth grade P.E. class and stopped eating to get me the big rock just like Bethenny.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Probably not.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty