The Real Housewives of New Jersey: Bubies, Babies, and Diamonds

Lately The Real Housewives of New York has been far more interesting to watch than the The Real Housewives of New Jersey. However, with last week's show being just so sad to watch as Kelly had what seemed to be a nervous breakdown, I just don't feel comfortable spouting off my usual snarky comments about the show. So instead last night I sat down to watch the Jersey girls to see what great tips of advice they had to offer.

Teresa as usual was quite entertaining. She went into labor during last night's episode and gave birth to a sweet little girl after "one and a half pushes." This is of course after she fully made herself up with jewelry, makeup, a strapless maternity top all while in labor. It is also of course is after she watched her husband have a cup of coffee, she checked her e-mail, she called her friends, and she made waffles for her daughters, all while in labor. And of course it was after she packed for the hospital her make-up and jewelry, you know, the "the last minute things you need if you're going to the hospital." I did feel for her a little bit when she was getting her epidural and started crying with pain. But then her husband promised her a big diamond ring, and for me the pity ended.

You see I had to buy my own "you gave birth to my child present" for the 2nd baby. I did get a present for the first baby, but my husband readily admitted that after 26 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing that resulted in an eventual Cesarean his present was entirely inadequate. By baby number two, however, he had forgotten my first sacrifice, and I got a great big old goose egg. Out of frustration I went to the jewelry store on my own, and ordered a pretty little ring. The day it arrived I did make my husband go with me to pick it up and actually dish out the dough, but really the damage had already been done. He will forever be in the dog house for that one.

Though just between you and me I have to say this, I'd take my husband any day over Teresa's husband. Sure he buys Teresa diamonds and gives her a great big house to live in. But that's about all he does. And I tell you what, if he ever tried to sex me up the same day I had my "bubies" enlarged just for him, it would take much more than a big house and diamonds to fix that problem. You know what I'm saying?

Anyway, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate Teresa and welcome her new baby girl to the world. Good luck to you on the birth of your newest and latest Jersey girl. There's nothing better than a new baby, and I and the housewives of the RHOK wish you all the best.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty

***Today is the last day to enter for our first giveaway at the RHOK.  

Enter here or here, and good luck!***

The Best of the Best - Real Housewives of New Jersey

I have discovered that if you read this post with a thick New Jersey accent it seems to really add something.  Go on.  I know you want to try it.

If I had to pick a favorite Real Housewives show, I have to say it wouldn't be all that hard.  The Real Housewives of New Jersey would win hands down.  Last season we got such delicious phrases as "prostitution whore,""thick as thieves," and "bubbies."  And after watching this week's show, I don't think the ladies are going to disappoint this season as well.

First we had crazy Danielle, also know as "prostitution whore" going around town complaining to anybody who would listen including a priest about the wrongs that were done to her.  Of course in her words, "It's all wata unda da bridge."  She also said something about being not "passive" or "aggressive" and not getting "pooped on any more," but that's where I got confused as she keeps trying to invite these women who obviously hate her out socially.

But I have to say the star of all that is great about The Real Housewives of New Jersey this week was in fact Teresa Giudice.   First she showed us the tradition she has of making her sauce for the year in her garage.  This year she invited some friends to help, none of whom were on their periods as being on your period causes the tomatoes to go bad.  Also there was her family including her daughter who at some point announced that she "didn't want to marry a jew."  I don't think her daughter has to worry about that though as looking at her crazy mother, Teresa, I don't think the Jews will want her.

But perhaps the best scenes from Teresa came when she was discussing Danielle the "prostitution whore."

(Here is where you're Jersey accent kicking in really does this post justice.)

"She must have slept with at least 500 guys.  Her hole must be as big as...not the Lincoln Tunnel, not the Holland Tunnel....What's the longest tunnel?"

Of course Caroline Manzo tried to compete with her by issuing her own Danielle cut down, "You put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig."  But haven't we all heard that phrase before?  That's not original.

You just can't compete with Teresa's originality, "Danielle.  You put the c*nt in c*ntradiction.  Be-atch!"

Wow Teresa.

You kiss those four babies of yours with that mouth?  Nice.

Oh yeah.  The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Even the Real Housewives of Oklahoma can't compete with all of that crazy.  It's going to be a good season.

~~Mrs. McGillicutty