The other day I had some free time to go shopping. Eager and excited I hopped in my car and headed to the mall. I hadn't been shopping in a really long, long time so I decided to hit some of the old stores that I'd been shopping in for years. Store after store after store I struggled to find clothes that suited me. Having no luck I decided to wander into some new stores to see what I could find. And again I had no luck. I shopped for 3 hours, and came home with nothing except for more clothes for the children that don't need any more clothes.
You see I'm in this horrible place. I fit into the clothes of the stores I shopped in during my younger years, however the phrase "mutton dressed up like lamb" always runs through my mind as I try on those young hip clothes. But then I wander into the stores that might suit shall we say a more mature clientele, and I find only things that remind of the AARP. When I look for clothes that are in between the young hip and the classy old lady I find not one store suited to me and my needs. I am an In Betweener. And I really don't enjoy shopping for the woman in this phase. It's a hard place to be.
But being a glass half full type I gal, I am grateful for one thing. Even though I am an In Betweener at least I am aware of the place I'm in, and seldom will you find me dressed completely innapropriately. However, when thinking about The Real Housewives of New York, I cannot say the same for them.
Every week I stay up and watch the Real Housewives of New York. In fact I've watched almost all of the Real Housewives shows, and whenever I watch these shows I notice that the lives that the women on these shows have all seem so foreign to me. They all seem to have an endless supply of cash, they all seem to have an endless supply of plastic surgery, and they seem to all have endless time to throw big catered parties. Their lives just don't seem that real to me or most of the average housewives I know.
So when talking about starting this blog with the other Okie Housewives we all agreed that giving a voice to the real life that the rest of the country's housewives have would play a priority. And what is more real that a bunch of women working like mad to get all of their responsibilities taken care of in the short amount of time that a day allows, rushing to get to a place on time, and laughing like only a group of grown women can after they've allowed themselves one, okay two, cocktails on weekday evening? Not much.
It's with that intention I present to you our first Vlog. Sure we only have a flip camera and poor lighting, sure we had to piggy back our budget poor RHOK Out with a trivia event that was already happening at a local bar, and sure this is the first time I myself opened the movie maker on my computer. But if you put all of that aside and watch a little you'll realize that we do have one thing in common with those other Real Housewives.
We know how to bring the sex.
Go visit these awesome ladies, our guests, who brought it to our first RHOK Out: Sherri, Jen, Robin, and Amy. Thanks ladies!
When you look up pictures of The Real Housewives of New York you start to notice something. You can't find a group shot of all of them together. Page after page after page there are lovely shots of one half of the ladies. And then page after page after page there are lovely shots of the other half of the ladies.
As I was looking through these lovely shots this evening, I was reminded of a family, a very dysfunctionally sad family. And after I watched the last 10 minutes of tonight's show, I understand why it reminded me so.
Bethenny and Jill got a divorce.
As with any divorce you have three or four major parties. You have the one spouse, Jill. You have the other spouse, Bethenny. And you have the children, Kelly, Ramona, Alex, and Simon. In the housewives case, you even have the family dog, Ginger, whose bowels were none to pleased by the divorce.
As with any bad divorce you have the drama. You have one spouse, Jill, who feels neglected or treated badly and feels justified in badmouthing and cheating on the other with a mistress, LuAnn. Then you have the other spouse, Bethenny, who seems completely unaware of anything going on and is completely taken aback when they discover that their spouse has been cheating on them.
And how do the children act when Mommy and Daddy break up? Well firstly you have the children, Alex and/or Simon, who although are sympathetic, really do well at not taking sides. Then you have another child, the scapegoat of the family, who tries not to take sides, but who is constantly attacked for doing so, Kelly. And finally you have the one delusional child who desperately tries to get Mommy and Daddy back together. (Oh, Ramona darling, you have to give up the dream. It's never going to happen.)
If you put all of these together you finally end up with tonight's episode of The Real Housewives of New York. It was sometimes entertaining, sometimes frustrating, and always incredibly sad. If, however, you're lucky something always pops into your head to take the pain away.
For me it was an old country song by a little 'ol gal who goes by the name of Tammy Wynette.
As a big fan of any reality show involving Bravo I, of course, watch The Real Housewives...all of them. I mean really how can you not love the crazy that is a woman dressed and pumped up to the nines throwing a table in the middle of a fancy private lunch in front of her children yelling “WHORE!” in a thick New Jersey accent.
It’s television magic.
While I was watching this television magic recently I realized something. Although here at The RHOK we are proper Okie housewives, many of us closely resemble the current cast of the currently televised Real Housewives series, The Real Housewives of New York.
"Oh no, Mrs. McGillicutty. That cannot be!" you reply realizing you suddenly have a southern accent.
But oh yes indeedy.
Crazy and Housewife seem to go hand in hand, no matter what state you're from. Trust me. I know what I am talking about here.
Oh you still don't believe me?
OK. I guess I'll have to prove it to you.
Luann De Lesseps as Mrs. Nesbitt
Mrs. Nesbitt, as she is sometimes called, really prefers the term Countess. Countess spends her days throwing her weight around, demanding all her “subjects” in Oklahoma treat her like royalty (sound familiar New York friends of Ms. De Lesseps?) even though everyone in Oklahoma really knows that Countess means she is just another Okie wife who happens to be married to a Count. And although the title Count sounds all high and mighty, any good Okie knows that a Count is just a lackey or lesser companion to other legitimate royal higher ups. Although Diva can be a royal pain in the bootay, she tries to be a benevolent dictator, and most Okies love her for it.
(Following me so far?)
Kelly Bensimon as Mrs. Hart
Mrs. Hart is a housewife who lives in her own world, a world not completely clear to the Okies around here (or the New Yorkers around Kelly). What she lacks in intellectual clarity, she makes up for in oozing hotness. And although she has many offers from Playboy (just like Kelly), she prefers a simpler life of boyfriend jeans, Okie home cooking, and writing her memoirs about growing up so deliciously hot in the world of the often televised toothless Okie.
(It's all getting clearer for you isn't it?)
Alex McCord as Miss Priss
Miss Priss, secretly a nature girl and earth mother, was dropped into the more plastic part Oklahoma and the nouveau riche when she married an Okie. She spends her days with her family trying to make things even, but occasionally as every good earth mother experiences, she has trouble with the organic beings sharing her household and living with one of them there highly educated brainy types (or a highly metro sexual one like Alex's). She enjoys volunteering her time, making flat puppets of her friends, and enjoying life in general.
(Alright. If that one didn't bring it all into focus for you, the next one surely will.)
Jill Zarin as Mrs. Sinclair Mrs. Sinclair, the only one in the bunch who could survive being stranded on a deserted island, has spent most of her time on this earth living the good life in Oklahoma. Although proud of her skill set, Mrs. Sinclair finds herself the object of evil gossip and although she has been told by several jealous ill wishers to “get a life.” (Poor, poor Jill. She really does need to stop living off of the sadness of others.) She, however, says she's quite happy with the life she has, “thank you very much.”
(You're a believer now aren't you?)
Bethenny Frankel as Mrs. Albright
Mrs. Albright, our local chef extraordinaire, spends her days fighting the social pressure (mostly from the self-dubbed "Skinny Girl" Bethenny) from outside of her Okie walls to cook healthy, organic meals. As we all know, no good Okie has a meal with out a lovely shade of brown either gained by a deep fryer or some delicious full fat cheese. Deep in her heart Mrs. Albright knows this, but every once in a while she succumbs to the pressure by coming up with a tasty salad recipe to share. Despite her weakness, Okies have fallen in love with her, especially when she tells them about her other true loves, the Sooners and posing naked.
(OK. So maybe Bethenny is really the naked poser, and Mrs. Albright doesn't actually like to pose naked. But the rest is totally true. I promise.)
Ramona Singer as Ms. Carmichael
Ms. Carmichael is a housewife that is enjoying the exploration of her newly re-vamped life. (Could Ramona talk about her new look on life more?) Although excited by the prospects of new adventures with her quickly growing children, she is mostly excited by her freshly redesigned hair claiming, “It’s a new sassier do and new sassier me!” Shallow though she may be, the rest of the housewives can’t help but love her and spend their time trying to encourage her to be all that she can be. (Where as The RHNY encourage Ramona to turn down her crazy eyes and lay off the Pinot Grigio.)
(You are now so much of a believer you're thinking of stalking me aren't you?)
LuAnn De Lesseps as Mrs. McGillicutty
And that brings us to our final housewife, me, Mrs. McGillicutty. If you look closely at the picture you can see that in fact I am the twin of Mrs. Nesbitt (known by The RHNY as the rude and hypocritical half of LuAnn De Lesseps). Although some call me her “evil twin” and state that I’m "crazy" and "jealous" of the fact that my sister married a Count when I was so "stupid" to marry a plain old native Okie, nothing could be further from the truth. I love my sister, and I am completely happy with all that life has brought her.
Of course if you believe that, then you probably believe the rest of my comparisons of the Okie Housewives to the New York ladies I’ve presented to you today. So who is the “stupid” and "crazy" one now?
Not me.
(And now you've stopped stalking me haven't you? Was it the "stupid" bit?
